Wanted To Do This For So Long
by phoebe9509
Summary: Emily stops by Hotch's place after a long case


Aaron Hotchner reclined on his couch after finishing up a conversation with his son on the phone. He ran a hand over his face and let out a deep sigh. The last case had been harder than most. Seven young boys were killed and they all looked remotely like Jack. Every little boy he stared at reminded him of his son, and he couldn't shake the image that something could have happened to him, even though he was thousands of miles away at the time.

If anyone on the team noticed how much Hotch was affected by the case they didn't show it. Everyone that is, except Emily Prentiss. Maybe it was the fact that she was with him when they stumbled across one of the dead little boys. Or maybe it was the fact that whether he wanted to admit it or not, she could read him like no one else could. He couldn't even begin to imagine when that had happened. When did he even start letting her in? Was it after New York or Foyet? When Haley died or was she always there trying to break his guard down so she could see a part of him that he didn't show to anyone else? All he knew was that she was there; front and center, and she even encouraged him to call Jack on the way home on the plane.

She didn't even need to say the words for Hotch to know what she wanted him to do. All she had to do was give a subtle look while no one else on the team was looking and Hotch understood immediately that Emily thought it was best if he called Jack. But he waited. He wanted to be alone when he spoke to his son so if he got upset at hearing the sound of his voice after three days, he wouldn't need to explain it to anyone, although he knew that no one would mention it.

In all reality he should have known it was coming, but that didn't stop his eyebrows from scrunching together in a mystified look when there was a gentle knock at his door. Standing up he straightened himself out before gazing out of the peephole.

Hotch opened the door to find Emily smiling at him. "Hey Hotch," she said as she held up a bottle of scotch. "I thought you might want some company."

He nodded his head and opened the door wider for her to make her way inside. She headed right for the kitchen and started opening cabinets looking for glasses. Hotch knew he should help her out, but he liked seeing her look a little bit lost as she searched her way around until she found what she was looking for. She grabbed two tumblers, then turned and smiled sweetly up at the man and brushed past him to get to the couch. Without saying a word Emily poured them both a drink and she held out his glass to him which he gratefully accepted.

"To happy times," Emily cheered as she held up her glass in a toast and waited for Hotch to clink his glass on hers. Emily took a nice swig of the alcohol and Hotch couldn't help but watch the way her hair fell back over her shoulders as she tilted her head backwards. When she returned to her regular position he bit back a smile at the way her cheeks flushed from the burn of the scotch going down.

Emily turned her gaze towards Hotch and arched a perfect eyebrow at him then tilted her head slightly to the side asking him two questions all at once. One why are you looking at me like that and two why aren't you drinking? Hotch held her gaze as he took a sip of the burning liquid.

After making herself comfortable on his couch and taking sips of her drink, Emily finally got tired of the silence. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Hotch replied in a tone Emily was so accustomed to.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" She challenged.

Hotch stared at Emily for a long moment before finally opening his mouth again. "Probably not, no," he shook his head then lowered it in shame. Why was he so closed off? Emily was asking him for a chance to get to know him, and all he wanted to do was tell her what he was feeling and thinking but there was something holding him back. For the life of him he couldn't put his finger on it.

He couldn't ignore the quick flash of hurt that ran across Emily's face at his words when his eyes locked onto hers again. Here she was coming over in her free time, to try to get him to open up and he just shut down like a jackass. Why did he insist on hurting the people who are closest to him? Did he enjoy being alone and isolated? He finished off his scotch in one swig and Emily quickly leaned over and filled his glass up again.

"He's safe you know," Emily said through the silence that enveloped the two again.

"I'm sorry?"

"Jack," she paused as she saw his eyebrows shoot up, "he's safe. He wasn't in those fields with those other little boys. They weren't him."

"How are you able to read me when no one else can?" Hotch asked quietly.

Emily let out a small laugh. "Are you serious?" She poured herself another glass. "Read you? You must be the hardest person_ to_ read Hotch. It's damn near impossible, and believe me I've tried to see what goes on in your head, but I can't." Taking a deep breath and another long sip she continued softly. "I wish I could though."

At her last sentence Hotch felt something in his chest stir. "It's nothing special," he mumbled.

"That's where you're wrong."

Hotch avoided her gaze and turned them to the bottle sitting on the table then down at his almost empty glass. "How did we manage to drink an entire bottle in such a small amount of time?" he wondered out loud.

"You're good at that," Emily giggled slightly feeling the small effect that the alcohol was having on her.

"Good at what?" he arched an eyebrow returning his gaze to her.

"Changing the subject. You're a pro."

"I wasn't changing—"

"It's okay Hotch. I'm used to it." She said as she poured the small amount of liquid left into her tumbler.

The pair returned to silence again and realized they didn't need to talk about how horrible the case was or how Jack wasn't one of those boys. Or even how Hotch should open up to someone once in a while, they realized while sitting there together that even though no words were being shared they understood each other better than anyone else did.

"Do you do this often?" he finally asked.

"Do what?"

Smirking slightly he took another sip before speaking. "Go to peoples houses when they've had a bad day with alcohol to cheer them up?"

Emily let out a heartfelt laugh which caused Hotch to laugh as well. "I guess I do," she beamed. "But with Garcia it's cupcakes, and for Morgan I bring a sexy female then I leave them alone so they can go at it," Emily explained as Hotch was taking a sip which he now spit out and coughed loudly which caused Emily to laugh again. "Are you alright?" she asked between giggles.

All Hotch could do was nod his head. Silence enveloped the two again and neither knew how much time passed before Hotch asked a question that was so un-Hotch like.

"Do you ever get lonely?"

The sentence caused Emily to pause midway from taking a drink, and tilt her head to the side. "I think everyone gets lonely Hotch."

He shook his head. "I know that. I mean do you ever feel like your life is missing something because of it?"

Emily took a deep breath, she wasn't sure she could handle where this conversation might take them. "Honestly, I've come to deal with the fact that I may be alone forever. I've learned that there are a lot of good things about it. But sometimes," her smile faded and Hotch watched as sadness crossed her face as she continued, "a small part of me knows that some things could be so much better and exciting than they already are if I had someone to share it with. But then I end up pushing that part to the side and I get over it. If it happens it happens, if not, it's sad but I just have to deal with it."

She watched as Hotch took in all of her words. There was a moment of silence before Hotch finally spoke. "I know the feeling."

The two stared at each other and for once saw what the other wanted in their eyes. Maybe the alcohol was to blame, or maybe it was the fact that they were having real conversations, but either way, the want and desire was evident in both of their eyes.

Emily let her eyes leave Hotch's to travel to his lips, throat, chest, arms, legs then back up again before finishing off her drink and standing up. "Well this has been fun Hotch, but I better get going," she stated as she started to put her coat on.

"Oh. What's the rush?" he wondered out loud, slightly disappointed, as he stood beside her, inhaling her intoxicating scent without her noticing.

Looking up at him, she sighed, "Well since we're being honest the rush is I have to leave before I end up kissing you."

Hotch's mouth dropped open at her honesty. Then his lips curled into a smile as he took a step closer.

Emily rested her hand on his chest to halt his actions. "I can't explain to you how long I've wanted to kiss you Hotch. Months…years really. I've had dreams about that very moment and to say all I want to do right now is kiss you would be a large understatement, but I don't want that kiss to be when we've both been drinking and you're upset because I won't know if we're kissing for the right reasons."

"Emi—"

"When we do finally kiss Hotch I want fireworks, and marching bands. I want it to be as amazing as my dreams make it out to be, and it can't be when our judgments are clouded. I want it to be romantic and spontaneous. I want to be able to remember it in the morning. So, I'm going to go," she smiled at the pout Hotch produced, "and if you still feel the same tomorrow after a good night's sleep you find me. If not, we can act like this conversation never happened and we won't feel weird because we didn't do anything."

Hotch grasped Emily's hand tightly in his own. "I'm going to feel the same tomorrow Emily," he expressed to her softly.

"I hope so," she beamed as she backed towards the door. "You know where I am. Until then I hope you had a good time and I hope you cleared your mind some. Don't worry so much. You'll get wrinkles," she joked as she opened the door.

"It's because of you," he told her.

"What is?"

"The reason I'm not thinking about anything else. Because you came here and because you gave me hope for tomorrow. I _will _see you tomorrow Emily Prentiss. Count on that."

Emily waved goodbye as she headed down the hallway. She turned back and said, "Of course you'll see me tomorrow Hotch, it's a Thursday." And with that she was gone, leaving Hotch looking at the spot she just disappeared from with a smirk on his own face. He wasn't worried about Jack anymore. Emily assured him he was safe and that it's normal to think about him when there is a case involving kids. The only thing Hotch could think of was how he was going to make his first kiss with Emily spontaneous and romantic like she wanted because no matter what, he was still going to want her in the morning. He had no doubt about that.


End file.
